how truly crazy I am. 

I had a flight to Kansas City to see my lovely friend, in order to maintain our long distance friendship. I bought a plane ticket for $200, even though it is only a 5 hour drive away from where I live, even though my stay was only two nights. I am aware that choosing the illogic inefficient route reveals me as a weakling.

We were all seated on the plane and I was about to fall asleep because it was 4am. I was dreaming about having brunch with my friend upon arrival. But after a while I realized we had not moved, and they announced the flight was delayed.

People clomped with irritation back into the airport. Some sat in the waiting area, and some formed a line at the front desk. But I didn’t want to wait because I’m tech savvy and know how to expedite things using the internet, and not a weakling. I called American Airlines to change my flight to a different airline leaving from the airport. The person on the phone and I were both calm and softspoken, in a way that acknowledged that her job was probably not ever chill.

And yet, I also do not trust airlines and their convoluted systems. If you know how to fight then you should be ready to fight.

She began to switch me to a United flight, but then the call dropped. I called again. My new collaborator declared switching me was not possible. I don’t like to correct people so I concurred, said goodbye, and hung up. I called again, still calm. New voice put me on hold to ask her supervisor. I observed that some people had moved through the front desk. They did not tell others their results, whether waiting in line was worthy or not. It wasn’t a secret, but to find out you would have to have to inquire, and likely that would have to be a whole conversation, since they are not faceless bots that answer when you push a button, and these types of struggles are individual anyways, any advice would require listening to unnecessary context. Dunno, they would say, my situation is different from yours. I joined in line for the front desk, curious what secret remedy it provided but not willing to ask.

There are always a million solutions for every problem, and I wanted to test them all at once. While in line, the voice on the phone said I could get a flight arriving by 5pm. I told her I might be able to get an earlier flight via the front desk. I told her I would call her back. All around me people checking their phones began complaining that the flight was delayed to 6pm!!!! This they were willing to share.

The line was not moving. Next option, walk up to another desk for the next flight to Kansas City. I asked the woman at the desk if there was room, and she told me the flight had just filled up. A flight had been cancelled, had I heard people were transferring over? Apparently not quickly enough.

I got an email that said my flight was changed to 5pm. But now I am thinking, I do not want another cancelled flight, and if I start driving now I will get there at 12pm in time for brunch. Because I was fueled by anger, I thought I had the courage to drive. I went out to the departure desk to cancel and refund my ticket!!!!!!! And they did thank god bless them!!!!!! Best solution achieved!!!!

Then it started SNOWING.

I went back in line and asked them if it was possible to undo my cancellation.

People working at the desks were very annoyed. Justifiably. I was directed to another person, who put an end to my shenanigans. He said, we can do it but it will take a while to sort out. He said, that’s what happens with your messing around with the system.

He clicked around and asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said, why? He said, take me with you, because I’m cleaning up all your problems and know how to and that’s what a good boyfriend does. I said, oh trust me my boyfriend KNOWS I’m MESSy

as if that was a winning retort.

He printed my new tickets and said it arrives in Kansas City at 11pm. I winced and he said please understand these are the only spots left. I said, yes yes thank you I for sure understand thank you it’s GREAT. You’ve been so kind and informative and I know the people here have been impatient and each one endlessly frustrating in their own ways, everyone knew how to help themselves but no one knew how to help each other, so thank you. He said, “I assigned you first class as well.”

In conclusion I am not better than anyone. In fact I am worse.

My seat, 1A. Packaged green olives, white cheddar chips, chocolate covered pretzels, small slices of cheese, a healthy dose of quiet reflection time wherein I thought about whether or not I had made a single good decision today. I fought them all. I accepted them all.